Full Moon Looks Beautiful

And I'm wondering where you are, what you're doing, and how you're feeling.

5.3.09

My head is out of it and my thoughts are all over the place. I dont even know anymore. Am I making the right choices? Am I really going for what I really want? Have you ever felt like you REALLY wanted something but you knew you couldnt have it? Yea I hate that feeling. But thats whats been constantly running through my mind. *Sigh* I just dont know anymore. My mind is in a really bad position today, though it might just be downfall, but then again Ive been like this for a while. *Sigh*

!

Sooo stressed. Everything is just coming out at me all at once. All these thoughs keep coming up, schools a bitch, I need to pay for hella shit, and now I need to take a test for Rides at Great America. I need a break.

Given up

YUP!
And a happy birthday to rachel.
Hope you have a good one.

Fuck man

My car wont start. This is bullshit. I dont even know whats the main reason its not working. I think it might actually be the starter, though last time, when my uncle checked, he said it was fine. I didnt do anyhing to it nor did I drive hella. Shit. This is hella whack. Now I can barely go anywhere. Plus I need to make $$$ to fix the dent and get my car running. Ergh. I cant even have steady grammar right now.

Bad

Day.

Last Night

I had this awesome dream. It was kinda like going back into the past yet it was all happening in our current time. It was cute though. Made me happy. But when I woke up, I just realized that it was nothing more but a dream. A recollection of thoughts being processed in my mind before I sleep. Im afraid its something that wont happen anytime soon. Guess I wont feel that way for a person ever again til that persons back to be called mine.

On another note, my knee is almost completely healed! Woot. That whole painful draining experience really helped. That whole squeezing thing he did to my leg for like 5mins was hella worth it. I think if I continue my medication, then Ill be healed completely before monday. So good for it.

I really want my Motorcycle or tattoo soon.

Lost

Again. FUCK. I thought I knew where I was heading this time but I guess not. I dont even get a "hi" nigga. What kinda BS is that? Oh well. Guess Im just not ready for this kinda stuff. On top of that, my knee is swollen and it hurts like hell right now. I guess Ill just leave it at that. Im gonna go get my knee drained now. Kinda scared. FUCK.

Today

Was pretty decent. Except for the fact that I felt sick most of the day and classes took forever to end. Other than that it was alright. After school, just chilled for like 5mins then took Rachel home, whom is sick at the moment =(. Get well soon! Then went to Alviso for a quick minute, back to quiklys with Michelle and Ben and met up with John then Tony. Now I'm about to go play ball. Update on the game later.

03.20.08

Happy Birthday Maryann.
Happy Birthday Henry.
Hope you guys had a good one.

Well heres my blog for today. Uhm. Alright day I guess. School, Milpitas, get paychecks, nap, play ball at lick mill, vinces crib, then home. Nothing really special in particular. Though I now know where I'm really going. I mean back then it was more like a crush, but now, its like, I dont know how to say it but its great. I just feel like I can make it work this time. I'm sprung. Ariiight laaate.

Hide And Seek

Today was the 2nd day of CAHSEE for the sophomores and people who failed it. It was pretty dope considering it gave everyone who passed it another late start. That was pretty awesome. Didnt do much in my classes either. Worksheet in Algera 2, 13 in video production, and talk about disney movies in photography. After school though, the BBT boys got together to film our upcoming project which is a trailer for a movie. Hide and Seek. Be on the look out for more BBT videos. Laaaaate.

Good Day

Havent really blogged in a while so I thought Id drop by today. Dont really know what to talk about since I havent done this in so long. Uhhhhmm well these past few days have been good. I think its been like this ever since we drank 40oz at tonys crib. Idk, we're making the most of these long weeks until spring break hits. Then itll be party hardy and maybe clubbing with the 18 year olds *Me, Paul, Vince, And Josh*. All in All, Ive been doing great. Hello world. Im back.

Just Give Me A Sign

Anything at all that'll let me know what you really think. Because as of right now, you're just leaving me to fall behind and I don't know what the hell is going on.

Licensed

Nigga.

Advice

Last night, a couple of the boys came up with one of the cleanest pieces of advice that I would want to hear:

"Think of it like this, make this your bottom. Cause when your at the bottom, you aint got nothing to lose. The only way to go is up."

Good shit to hear. I also found an affinity to that song Missing you by Trey Songz. Probably only because it practically expresses how Ive been feeling.

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"I dont wanna hear what I think you're gonna say
And I know it can't be good from the look that's on your face
And I can't believe that it's too late
Don't tell me it's over

I can tell that it's been hurting you, I see it in your eyes
It's the first time that I'm feeling that I'm about to die
Just say anything but goodbye
Don't tell me it's over"

I really did change. Everything I say is and will always be true. All Im asking for is a chance with you. I know i did wrong in the past and I deeply regret it. I truly miss you. I truly love you with everything that I am. You mean the world to me. You are the world to me. I love you.

Today.

Today was filled with emotion. I myself am filled with many emotions. Sorrow, Doubt, Fear, etc. I honestly dont know whats going on anymore. But I wont quit. Because you mean the world to me. You are the one that I love with all my heart. To make you happy is all I can ever want. And I know for sure that I am certainly not wasting my time because this time being connected to you has been bringing me so much joy. Even if Im hurt in the end, your happiness could be the greatest reward for the effort I put in. I love you with everything I am, so please dont leave me with nothing but memories.

Today was also the first day of the "Every 15 Minutes" program. Its about drunk driving and its consequences. Well it made my day even worse. As soon as the cop came into the classroom, the thought of my homie Tinh rushed into my mind. Watching the program, I could imagine how it was for Tinh. A car crash ending the life of a friend and cutting his life short. I started to reminisce about how we chilled and talked. Rest In Peace Tinh. Your in a better place now as heaven has added a new family member.

Blank.

Ive been really catching myself staring off with a blank face nowadays. I dont know...I guess I just reminisce a bit too much. But I just cant help it you know? The same scenes keep popping up in my head like a messed up movie projector or anime re-runs. I dont mind though since they give me some type of emotion to feel. Those memories were either so great that they'd give me a fatass grin, or so bad that I would stay quiet for a good while. Nonetheless, I never want to let go, cause maybe those memories are all I have left now.

Last Night

So umm I had this dream last night. And honestly, I was really happy. Like unbelieveablely happy. From what I remember, it kinda seemed like I walked down one of the roads mentioned in my previous blog. I dont know if it was a sign or if I was just heavily thinking about it before i fell asleep. But whatever it was, I seemed really happy. I wonder if that dream, would actually become a reality.

Lately...

Havent blogged in a quick minute so I decided to pop back in. So heres an update. Honestly, Ive been in a real confused state. And it mainly has to do with this situation that I got myself in concerning a couple of people. I just dont know what to do anymore. Everytime I feel confident enough to do what I want to do, something always comes in and turns me around. I know what I wanna do, I just dont know when or even if I should do it. Its kinda like knowing you're on the right track, but not sure if its the right train. Im suck at a fork road where there are only two real results, and I just dont know which way to walk...